Thoughts of Goodbye
by Limpidity
Summary: It was all too soon, and he will forever be alone.


If one thing was for sure, things shouldn't have ended this way. It was as if death snatched up every single meaningful moment of his life and crushed it mercilessly. It hurt, it hurt far much more than what the blond could have anticipated. It felt as if only one moment ago his lover confessed words of adoration to him; and then the next was a disgusting palate of red smothered across a distorted canvas.

It was horrifying, heart breaking and maybe even much more than that. Arthur glanced at the sight before him, wanting to just turn around and walk away. He wanted to vomit, even just smelling the scent of death and iron. As horrid as it was, he couldn't turn away. It would have been in his best interest, yes, but his best interest wasn't in his mind right now. Alfred, Alfred, his thoughts kept rambling on fake promises of how Alfred wasn't dead. Arthur truly believed them, or more he wanted to. If only that was even remotely true.

* * *

The last few days of work were grueling, and Arthur was ready to collapse on the couch as soon he passed through the front door of the apartment he lived in. There was one slight issue with that though; as soon as he stepped into the apartment he was greeted with an all too familiar laugh from the lounging space.

"Artie!" The only thought that crossed his mind was another 'Bloody hell Alfred.' Maybe he shouldn't have given the idiot the second set of keys to his apartment.

"Alfred just what in the name of god are you doing here?" Alfred smiled brightly as he went up to Arthur, and needless to say; if it wasn't for the fact he was so tired, Arthur would have blushed as the younger man put an arm around his shoulders.

"So a guy can't visit his best friend huh Artie?" Best friend? Those words hurt, coming from Alfred. Unwillingly, Arthur removed Alfred's arm from his shoulder.

"It's past midnight, Alfred."

"So?" The blond said, throwing himself on the couch that Arthur was going to use. "Why do you get out of work so late anyway?"

"That's just how my work goes Alfred" Arthur sighed and hung up his coat. He was much too tired for this. "Ugh, just don't ruin my apartment okay?" Tiredly, Arthur began disappearing into his bedroom when a strong hand grasped his arm and pulled him back into the main living space.

"Yo Artie is something wrong?" There was concern in Alfred's voice, Arthur just shook his head and tugged on his arm as he tried to break free and retire to his room.

"There's nothing wrong Alfred, I'm just tired, now can I please enjoy some sleep?" Hesitantly, the younger blond nodded and let go of his arm. The missing warmth was urging the British man to turn and return to the warmth of the younger, but it was no sooner than the door closed and he fell into the comforting hands of sleep and his bed.

* * *

The lonesome last few days have been excruciating. Arthur couldn't get anything accomplished at all; the only thing on his mind was Alfred. 'I wonder how he must be doing,' it was unwanted thoughts that brought nightmares onto the man. He was all alone. No one would be there to infuriate him as such as Alfred would have. With a sigh the blond got up out of the couch in-front of the television and made his way into the bathroom. It was eerily silent, a ghastly silent in which brought the thoughts of a monster appearing out of nowhere. But the monster was already there, hiding among those which had no purpose now.

The monster was his own sadness, the despair that rang through him whenever someone mentioned the blond. He needed to get over it; but he couldn't just will himself to that easily. Maybe he didn't want to get over it, maybe he just wanted to live with the pain; after all that wasn't the first time he'd felt so alone, so broken. It was raining outside, and the only warmth was that of the hot water from the showerhead, but that only made him even colder.

Maybe he should see a therapist. Oh but none of them would understand. No one ever understood. It would be pointless to even try. No one ever understood that feeling of emptiness that emptied your entire soul.

After exiting the cold shower and getting dressed, Arthur climbed into bed mindlessly. He would be sleeping alone tonight again, and every other night; just being in bed made him feel sick all over again. Maybe he should move out, restart with life, everyone had been urging him to; maybe they had a point.

* * *

"Back to work, Kirkland?" A young woman smiled as Arthur passed by one day.

"Of course." A smiled graced his lips as he strolled on past to his office. The sun was shining brightly that day, and the streets were full of people moving to and from work. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. No one seemed to be bothered at all; it was just a typical day.

Just a typical day.

"Hey Tony," Arthur stepped into what was Alfred's apartment right after work- it was a habit he developed not soon after his death- "Hey 'Alfred.'" Tony no longer treated him like a fool, more or less the two of them had become good friends. Arthur sat down on the couch as he watched Tony play away at a game he knew all too well.

'_Say, Artie how about you and I play this new awesome game I just bought!'_

"It's that time again isn't it?" At the mere mention, Tony gave a short nod and Arthur seemed to smile, a fake smile; one that he wore all too often now. He would never receive his natural smile back. Sooner or later he would have to move on, but Alfred would never leave him.

So he stood at his grave, a colorful array of flowers in his hands. Arthur desperately tried not to cry, but it seemed as if that attempt failed, and one tear slipped out, then another, and another until he was almost sobbing. It shouldn't have been this way. The blond stayed that way for a good amount of time. Complaining about how much he missed Alfred, about how much he meant to him; and why he was stupid for leaving.

"I love you so much Alfred." He said between sobs.

'_I love you too Arthur.'_

And he was always alone.


End file.
